Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
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I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
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Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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