Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
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