enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
