I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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