even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
