I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
