whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
