we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
