good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
