Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
