I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
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