I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
