listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
