Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
