I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
