matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
