fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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