1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
