I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
