I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
