Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
two words...techno handjob
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
