Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
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Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
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He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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