im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
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