at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
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