yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
whose parrot is this?
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
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