yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
