You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
