i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
