I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
