It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Acid is not a monday night drug
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Randomize
