dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
