so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
