how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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