Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
