doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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