im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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