When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
