Me. At least after what I've been through.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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