I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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