Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
