well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
