Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I smell stomach acid.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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