the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
