guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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