I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Randomize
