Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
The air was thick with penises
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I need to calm my uterus...
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
