Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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