We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
