you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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