So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
