i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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