I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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