Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
