I got chris browned last night
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
