It's Friday. Sex?
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
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its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
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Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize