After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
