Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
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